In wholly martimony
by Pixychick84
Summary: Where simple missions are actually simple... some times, but unfortunately for our lead duo, it is not so for them this day. crack/humor/parody-ish. In wich things there are unforseen coplications.


Where simple missions are actually simple... some times, but unfortunately for our lead duo, it is not so for them this day. crack/humor/parody-ish. In wich things there are unforseen coplications.

"Marry me."

"_...What _?"

"I said, marry me."

"I heard what you said! _Why_?"

Sakura dead paned "Because I can't resist you're impeccable timing, clearly visible good looks, and you're taste in literature. That, and I have a fetish for pathological liars..."

"Well. All that's a given, but asides from my obvious charm?"

"Uhhhgh.. I thought you were supposed to be a genius? It's simple! We need the forbidden jutsu scroll. The scroll is in the temple. The temple is on lock down to all,_ except _those there for religious use or rituals. Ergo, we get married. Thus being allowed into the temple for _valid_ reasons, without raising suspicion. And in doing so, causing a diversion for our other team mates to get said scroll."

"No, I got that. Why _me_?! Whats wrong with Naruto?"

Sakura snorted "What's wrong with marrying Naruto you say!? Lots of things! It would feel like Incest, Hinata, the priest's ear drums. Besides this is a_ paper_ marriage Kakashi, the point of it is to marry some one who is going to _want_ to break up with you, not stay married!"

Kakashi nodded in concession of her valid arguments. "Alright, point taken, but what's wrong with Sai?"

She gave him a pointed look before calling over the former ROOT agent "Sai! Come here for a minute!"

"Sakura?"

"Kiss me."

Sai blinked at them both before frowning in confusion. "Is this another social lesson?"

She smiled "Yes Sai, we need to see how good you're acting is for the mission. Pretend you're in love with me, okay?"

Sai now looked truly perplexed, however on hearing the word 'misson' he curtly nodded and then mechanically leaned in for a kiss, awkwardly halting when not sure whether to kiss her on the lips or cheek. Ever the logical thinker Sai finally decided to place the kiss half on her lips, and half on her cheek. He leaned back clearly satisfied with his clever compromise, and Sakura gave him a gentle smile in response.

"...Am I done now ?"

"Yes Sai. You can go now, thank you."

"Well?"

"What was wrong with that?"

"What was-!? Kakashi! I have owned kitchen appliances that show more emotion! Not to mention he was totally unbelievable-!"

"That's not fair. I'm sure he would give a teaspoon a run for it's money. Maybe even a kettle.-"

"Kakashi! He wasn't even sure where to kiss me! They will take one look at him and know something is up!"

"Fine, fine. But couldn't we just hire-"

"Kakashi! Stop being such a _baby_ and just _marry me_! I'll get Tsunade-sama to annul the marriage as soon as we get back to the village, okay? Lets just get this mission over with quickly! If we don't move soon, they'll move the scroll again and we'll be back to square one! That's six months of surveillance down the drain! _Six. Months_!"

"I'm hurt Sakura. This is all just business to you isn't it? I thought you loved me! I thought what we had was special!" She rolled her eyes. "What's a poor man to do!?"

"Kakashi..."

"You're just marring me for my money aren't you?"

_"Kakashi_..."

"And isn't it supposed to be my job to ask for you're hand in marriage?"

_"KAKASHI_!"

"Hhmmm... I don't know if I'll say yes. I don't like my possible future wife's tone..."

Sakura gave an exasperated sigh.

"I'm waiting..."

"For?"

"An apology."

"You can't be _serious_!?"

"Yes. Yes I am, and until you do so, we will not be getting married."

"Oh for the love of-! Kakashi. I am, _sorry. _Now can we please-"

"That didn't sound very genuine Sakura. I thought marriages were supposed to be built on honesty?" Sakura took a deep breath in and out while mentally counting backwards form ten. " I'm sorry... _Dear._"

Kakashi smiled at her " That's alright_, Darling. _I forgive you. Now-"

"Hey! What about apologizing to me-!?"

"Now Sakura, you don't really want to start a fight again do you? Right when I was about to agree. Do you want me to change my mind?"

"_No_."

"Do you want to get this mission over with?"

"_Yes_."

"Do you want to marry Naruto or Sai?"

"No."

"Do you want to marry me?"

"Honestly? No, not really bu-"

"Oh, well. In that case I'll just call Naruto over then shall I? NA-!"

"OKAY! OKAY! I'm sorry!"

"For?"

Sakura mumbled "Bruising you're sensitive man-child ego!"

"I'm sorry!?"

Sakura cleared her throat "I said; For being insensitive towards my captain on a mission."

Kakashi gave her a disbelieving look before continuing. "Do you want to marry me?"

"..._Yes._"

"And you'll let me do it my way?"

"Yes."

"And you'll be a good little wife and do as I say?"

"Alright then, N-"

"Yes! Yes!_ alright! _I'll be '_good_. ' "

"Good girl! Now Sakura?"

"_Yes_!? _What_?! "

"Will you marry me?"

"Arggghhhh! YES!"

"I thought women were supposed to by happy on there wedding day?"

"YOU!"

"Me?"

"You're doing this to torture me aren't you? you're enjoying this!"

"Maybe."

"You're sick!"

"Maybe."

"...You planed this form the start didn't you!?"

"Not form the start Sakura, that would have been impossible."

"I meant form the start of this conversation smarty- OH GOD! What have I just done!?"

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean."

"You're going to use this to keep blackmailing me till we get back to Tsunade-sama aren't you?"

"I hate you!"

"Now, now, Sakura. that's no way to start a marriage."

"... You're evil."

"Darling, would it calm you down if I gave you some money to bye a nice dress?

Thus came about the beautiful (albeit insincere) weeding of two elite jōnin ninja. The successful capture of a scroll. And the ending of a 'simple misson'...

...The hard part came a week latter when Tsunade laughed her (slightly drunken) ass off at Kakashi and Sakura while she inform them that she could only annul marriages that happen within fire country. The temple they were married at was just over the boarder form fire country... And not only that, it happened to be situated on a boarder line between grass and rain.

So, in order to annul the marriage, they would have to get two separate annulments to terminate the contract. Also because both were small country's in turmoil, neither having a clear leader at the moment. ( Rain for obvious reasons) Their marriage annulment papers would most likely have to go through various different legal systems and formalities, before finally being passed off to the nearest country with a kage.

For rain this would be wind country (Suna) and for grass this would be rock country (Iwa). And lord knows both kages were busy enough with normal duties, let alone getting time to annul foreign ninjas marriages form neighbouring countries. Not to mention both ninja new the kazekage, Gaara, personally and Kakashi new the tsuchikage. This could be slightly embarrassing to say the least.

And to top it all off. The papers had to be accompanied by the original marriage contract, so both applications for annulment would have to be applied for one at a time, waiting for one application to come back approved before sending in the other. All in all making it a thoroughly time consuming and embarrassing/awkward affair, and in other words (or breathless belly laughs at this stage) get comfortable with the new status as it would, 'take a while'.

"Oh god, Naruto's gonna have a fit! And Ino's gonna kill me! An- Oh shit! My parents!"

"Sakura. Naruto was at the wedding, and you're 23, surely you're parent's will respect you're decision to elope. Besides, they won't see this as a real-"

She glared at her new husband. "Kakashi, you obviously do not know my mother! And this... (gestures to the Documents on Tsunade's desk) ... _is_ real!"

"Hey now, don't look at me like that. You were the one that asked to marry me first! You practically begged me!"  
Tsunade raised an eye brow at her apprentice.

"And who was the one who refused to accept my proposal, so they could ask me? Whatever happened to, and I quote. 'My job to ask for you're hand in marriage?' I believe the reason you stated was so I would 'Let you do it you're way'!"  
Tsunade now raised both her eye brows as she turned to the silver haired jōnin .

"Hey, if I remember correctly you said yes to my proposal more then once! And it was _still_ you're Idea in the first place. Mission and scroll or not."

"Tssh. And here I thought I just marred you for you're money?"

Kakashi smirked, "This is true."

Sakura sniffed, "I thought you said you loved me, that you thought what we had was special!?"

Kakashi shrugged "I did, until you had to go and pick the most complicated wedding venue humanly possible."

"Well, oh fearless leader! It's not _my_ fault _you _were the one who had the map and didn't cheek it! Besides... It was pretty venue.

"Always starting the fights, aren't we Sakura?"

"Me!?" She sighed "What ever happened to just giving me some money to by a pretty dress when this happens?

"Hhmm, nice try. But speaking of money... Lady Hokage, if that is all? We have a very busy day ahead of us."

"We do?"

"Mmhhm. I'm pretty sure Knoha banks merges you're accounts after marriage unless you go in an request other wise. That and we have a few dogs well over due a bath after such a long mission and-

"OH NO YOU DON'T! I'm not letting you use this as an excuse to do you're chores! I'll go with you to the bank but I am not washing you're dogs an-!"

"Our dogs now darling. And, awww, but I thought you said that you would be a 'good little wife' and do as I said and-

"Alright, alright!" She didn't know what he was about to say after that, but she new she had to stop him there to save whatever little dignity she had left.

If Tsunade looked surprised on hearing previous snippets of the conversation, she looked thoroughly shocked now.

"Aww! Such a good wife, thank you honey-!"

"Don't touch me!"

"Ahh young love." Tsunade sighed as the bickering pair exited her office.

Tsunade couldn't decide if she would pay anything to know the rest of that conversation, or if she really did not wanna to know... In the end she settles for making a mental note to just kick Kakashi's ass when she was sober. Now that that was settled... Where the hell was that bottle of sake!?

This story is for my dearest friend Sarah! Hope you like it, I have plans for mabey this as a two shot but not sure.. Please review and let me know what you think! Also have another sory on the way! -Picy chik!


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